Resuming our "normal" life

It's been three weeks since Rosie was discharged from her final chemo treatment.  I had mixed feelings coming home. It's wonderful to be with the rest of our family and to relax at home. But it also means back to daily chores and being sole responsible with Rosie's medical care.  Yes, there were visiting nurses that came twice a day to help with her overnight IV hydration during the first two weeks and now just once daily for her Central Line care.  And so I am a Registered Nurse (Long Term Care) but I am a mother first and like many moms, I worry, worry, worry.  Worried about the 'what ifs' and 'what now?'.
 
We got so used to hospital life the last 5 months, not sure how to get back to the old routine. So many things have changed.  Rosie requires more care, no daycare allowed, infection risk, low bacteria diet, medically fragile, no crowded areas, and weekly hospital visits.  And my two boys age 10 and 13. Their daily routine has changed and even their food preferences for dinner and school lunches have changed.    And dear husband, now that I am back home, is putting more hours at work to catch up since his company has accommodated us by allowing him to start late at work.   Then our house that's already been neglected when I have been working my night shifts and now even more neglected that I've been barely home the last 5 months.

How I am suppose to be back to work?  How can we make it work? Is it possible? Will she be safe? What changes do we need to be healthier than before? What lessons have I learned during our greatest trial? So many questions...where to start? My to do list..


1. Grow Spiritually.  We are so thankful for God's grace and mercy.   It's through our strong faith and family (physical & spiritual) that help us through our trials.  You sow what you reap.  Continue to share God's love to others with kindness and ask for nothing in return.  You just never know when you need the same kindness from others.

2. Lack Trust at our local Doctors.  We dont' feel comfortable going back to our family doctor and our local hospital, they misdiagnosed Rosie. We almost lost her.

3. Provide more natural and healthy food. The more I do research about cancer, the more convinced I am that the increase cases of cancer is due to the carcinogens in our food, products and environment.  So I will do my best to buy organic and natural. Some of you may not support this but why give your kids chemical filled, toxic, genetically modified foods?  It's like feeding them poison each day.   I am glad that more natural and holistic products are becoming more available.  God made our body into His likeness. Our body can heal itself if nourished with the natural food God meant us to have. No preservatives, no chemicals, not processed and definitely not Genetically altered.  This won't be easy with picky eaters. But even small steps like buying organic meat and milk and more fruit and veggies will help.

4.  Finances.  Being out of work the last few months and depending on EI is never enough for most families. Thanks to family and friends for their generous support.  Then thanks to the Sick Kids Social Worker, we found support from their POGO program.  Parents gets allowance for each hospital stay and visit.  Then there's the MacDonald Housing for out of town families.  And it was through our CCAC nurse that I learned about Enhanced Respite Program (not income based).  We are so blessed and privileged to be in Canada to have so many charities and government support to help us in this time of need.

5.  Find help.  We need someone to help with the house, childcare and yard work.  I feel like an awful mom, housekeeper and wife. How does others do it? Can we afford it? Aaah! Just more questions.

6. Be healthier.  To promote health with my family, need to be healthier myself.  While Rosie was at the hospital, I hate throwing food and had eaten her leftovers and I was highly stressed, so I snacked a lot too and not move much. So I am unhappy with my weight gain.  So I need to lose weight, tone my arms and ab muscles.  It won't be easy for me.  I am usually so fatigued with nights shifts, I never have time for exercise.  

7. Prepare for back to work. With dad's business trips and my night shifts, we will need someone to be with the kids at night and help me at home. We need to find someone that we can afford, very challenging.


8. Build a new routine and schedule.  This is still in motion as Rosie's health condition is still unstable.

Just last weekend, Rosie started to have a bad cold and earache.  And 3 days ago, she vomited and spiked a fever.  We had to take her back to the hospital and she received 3 days of IV antibiotics.  We got to go home today since she had no fever the last 2 days.  But she end up with rashes (viral infection) and still have some ear discomfort.  They said since she's has no fever and has good WBC and neutrophils, she can go home with the oral antibiotics again.  I don't like antibiotics since she's allergic to Penicillin and drugs always have side effects.  Because of her high frequency hearing loss from chemo, I could not risk her ear infection to become worse so she has to take them.  Need to do more to help boost her immune system safely.  

9. Plan for her birthday. Rosie's birthday is fast approaching, we want the day to be a blast but can't have a party with friends as her immune is still low.   We might take our kids out on her big day and then have a party later on when she's stronger.

Our life will probably be never 'normal' but that word is overrated.  We are thankful that our future includes Rosie in our life and that's all that's matter.  We will probably find a 'new normal' as we go along. 

Do you have suggestions or better ideas? Would love to hear them.  Thanks for your interest in reading our story.